My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
