u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
