Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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