just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
