I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
