U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
