I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
