the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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