addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
