She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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