I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
