You don't have asthma, your pregnant
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
