1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
