I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
