i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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