My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
