I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
