A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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