My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
