I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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