Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
