yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
