i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
