I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
