Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
