Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
