'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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