you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
