he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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