My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
