In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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