So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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