I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
