I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
