the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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