Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
