The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
