I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
