He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
