bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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