Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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