I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
