I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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