it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
