I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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