So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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