Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
