Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
