just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm like, not good at living.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
