kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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