First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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